Archive for category Script

Recommended Song Title Adjustments

1. She Was Only Sixteen → She Was Forty-Two (But Looked Younger)
2. Heartbreak Hotel → Bed & Breakfast
3. A Boy Named Sue → A Boy Who Identifies As Sue
4. Love For Sale → Boat For Sale
5. I Can’t Get No Satisfaction → I Can’t Get No Uber
6. Good Morning Little Schoolgirl → Good Morning Ph.D.
7. Mrs. Robinson → Mrs. & Mr. Robinson (and their adopted children)
8: Can’t Buy Me Love → Can’t Buy Meat, Love
9. In The Mood → Let’s Invite Your Mother For Thanksgiving
10. Lay, Lady, Lay → Lay, Laid, Laid or Lie, Lay, Lain
11. I Heard It Through The Grapevine → Did You Get My Text?
12. Hurts So Good → Obamacare Blues
13. No Woman No Cry → No Mac No Fries
14. Sunday Morning Coming Down → Sunday Morning Brunch
15. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds → Lucy Volunteers For Save The Children

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Happy Thanksgiving

Dave: No politics over dinner, okay?

John: What do you mean, no politics?

Dave: I mean, don’t mention the election…

John: Well, you just did…

Dave: Let’s have a nice time together, okay?

John: A nice time? With that moron you voted for?

Dave: You don’t know who I voted for?

John: I do too.

Dave: Let’s just have some turkey…

John: And talk about the weather?

Dave: Yes, let’s talk about the weather.

John: And global temperatures and rising sea levels?

Dave: Like I said, no politics?

John: So now we can’t talk about the weather?

Dave: We can, but not like that.

John: You decide how we talk about the weather?

Dave: I really wish I could explain this to you…

John: Why can’t you?

Dave: You wouldn’t get it.

John: Why not?

Dave: People like you never do.

John: What do you mean people like me?

Dave: Let’s just have some turkey…

John: You mean Republicans?

Dave: Ha, so now you’re a Republican?

John: Oh, I thought you said, no politics?

Dave: I can’t believe you voted Republican.

John: Look, it’s snowing. So much for global warming…

Dave: I really thought you were smarter than that, John.

John: Who says I voted Republican?

Dave: You did.

John: Maybe I changed my mind.

Dave: You can’t change your mind after the election.

John: The president-elect can…

Dave: Let’s just forget about it.

John: Say, was that a Hillary sign on your lawn?

Dave: You know that was a joke.

John: You can say that again…

Dave: My neighbors are all pro-Trump.

John: So you put out a Hillary sign but didn’t vote for her?

Dave: I’m not going to talk politics…

John: You’re such a bad loser.

Dave: How is that?

John: People like you always are.

Dave: What do you mean people like me?

John: Let’s just have some turkey.

Dave: Oh, now you want turkey?

John: Sure, I’ll even carve. Where’s the knife?

Dave: Just forget about it…

John: No, I’ll carve.

Dave: Better let me do it.

John: Wait a second, Dave…

Dave: What?

John: Did you hide the knife?

Dave: It’s just a precaution.

John: Wow, this is not the America I grew up in.

Dave: Yes, it is, because you must have been born yesterday.

John: That’s rude.

Dave: So is ruining America.

John: Well, let’s be Independent then and eat with our hands…

Dave: It was just to be on the safe side, John.

John: Give me that darn knife.

Dave: You can’t be trusted with a knife.

John: Why not?

Dave: For one, you can’t tick the right box with a pen.

John: I’ll carve the damn turkey with my pocketknife…

Dave: You brought a knife to my house?

John: Second Amendment, Dave.

Dave: You can’t even spell amendment…

John: Forget about it, I’m not having any turkey.

Dave: Why not?

John: Just not having any…

Dave: Why not?

John: Well, it’s cold by now.

Dave: The thermometer says 165F…

John: You can’t trust that.

Dave: Guess you really are a Republican…

John: You know very well that I trust science, Dave.

Dave: Well, have a bite then…

John: But the thermometer, it’s made in China, you can’t trust it.

Dave: So is your iPad.

John: No, it’s not…

Dave: Where then? The coalmines of Appalachia.

John: Just not made in China. Period.

Dave: Come on, let’s have some turkey…

John: Just look at this meat…

Dave: What‘s wrong with it?

John: You had one chance to get it right…

Dave: Better get used to that.

John: Used to what?

Dave: Let’s just say it’s a Trump turkey.

John: What is that supposed to mean?

Dave: You’re stuck with it and you won’t like the taste.

John: I thought you said, no politics.

Dave: I changed my mind.

 

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